When a https://ecosoberhouse.com/ gets sober, it can be difficult to process the pain they have caused their loved ones. Making amends, however, can help repair strained relationships while also reinforcing recovery. Not everyone can make amends by being in the same space as a person they harmed. Some people may not be open to hearing a direct amends. The wounds may be very deep and not close to being healed, even years later. In this case, making what some people refer to as a “living amends” is an alternative option.
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tips for living amends
I was married to him for 38 years, he was my life, my soulmate, my best friend. I guess I was in shock, because I cannot tell you what we talked about his last three weeks of life, and we talked all the time, I am full of what if’s and i wishes. I know I could not save him, but I just hope that he knew how much I loved him, and still do. I would do it differently if I had it to do all over again, I miss him so much. It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief. We’ve written about how common guilt is in grief (you wouldn’t believe how many people get the “coulda woulda shouldas”). We wrote an article about the difference between guilt and regret.
How Do You Make Amends?
One of the most important words within Step 9 is the word “direct.” In some programs, you’re encouraged to forgive others or to work through the guilt and shame you feel towards others on your own, without the involvement of the other party. Yet, to be truly successful at forgiving and releasing past wrongs, you need to go directly to the individual you’ve hurt. When you go directly to the person, real spiritual transformation is more likely to occur.
You also face the problem head-on. That is, you can’t push it to the side or avoid it because of embarrassment. The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now. You cannot (and should not) avoid the pain.
Different Types of Amends
There are three main types of amends, and it’s important to recognize which one is appropriate in a given situation. Understanding some making amends examples can help the individual correct past behaviors.
Direct amends refers to going directly to the wronged individual, apologizing… Ещё
In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your living amends and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life. Some may notice the change over time and become willing to hear us out, but we have to be okay with the reality that the day when that happens may never come. Again, a living amends is for us, it is not for them.
Ways to Make Amends in Recovery
Living amends look different for everyone, depending on the specific negative behavior patterns you have identified while working the 12 Steps. Determining the most impactful living amends will require a great deal of honesty. A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention. Living amends refers to the ways in which you change how you live your life in recovery or “walking our talk.” These changes affirm your commitment to the direct or symbolic amends you made with others. Living amends represent the long-term actions you will take to remain committed to recovery. You may also have the opportunity in the future to make more direct amends with certain people in time.
- Have open and honest conversations about the relationship and where it can use improvement and stay committed to those changes.
- I put my sister and mother through the fear of losing me at my own hand.
- Your AA sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person can help you determine how best to address making amends.
- Tender thanks you with a view too revealing us give this.
Keep up with what Living Amends is doing in the community. I understand that many people feel/believe differently than I do. If I continue to feel badly about a particular issue, I bring it to God again. Anyway, what DOES help me with regrets/guilt is that I talk to God. And I specifically tell God what I feel bad about and then, I ask God, “if it won’t make heaven any less unimaginably wonderful, let my mother/dad/husband know that I’m really sorry about .